I am writing this post not from Alderley Edge but from Lincoln, Nebraska. This is where we live for the foreseeable future, back home. This blog was about our adventure being American expats in England. Now we are ex-expats.
Those who know me, I don’t usually leave things unfinished. I get stuff done, check things off the list but this blog just fell off my list. It has bugged me for a long time. The time in-between posts gets longer and it is harder to find inspiration about things to write about. Forces inside started pulling at me for some time and grew until they left me paralyzed, not able to move forward. It was the pre-courser to the real Brexit.
Someone said to me once “you write a blog for people to read it, don’t you?” when telling them about why I stopped. Yeah, I guess you do and I knew that but then fear set in…… How honest can I really be about this experience? Do I want to share everything? The good, bad and ugly? So am I being true? Who is reading it? What do they think? Is it shit? Is it good? Why do I care about this? Where do I go from here? etc…..etc…..etc……..
It was a spiral of self doubt, fear and lack of courage. Wtf??
We have been home for a little over six months and adjusting to our life back in Lincoln. It has been a roller coaster of emotions. I am settling here but a huge part of me is back at home in England. This is part of the process and I know it will all be okay. Somehow we overcame the fear of leaving everything we know and love for a new life in another country. But my fear over what people thought about my experiences and writing stopped this blog 12 months later. For me, I felt I needed to process and acknowledge this to move forward.
Interestingly the real Brexit has not happened and no one knows if it ever will. I like to think that I have more to say and not ready to make my blogexit. But if that doesn’t happen, it’s okay. I can peacefully lay it to rest after this point if I wish. My choice with no fear.